Be Others-Centered Instead of Self-Centered

Look through windows, seeing the needs of others, instead of mirrors, seeing your own needs. This principle is magical. When you focus on others, your problems diminish, you’re happier, and well-loved. An old saying is, “All that you send into the lives of others comes back into your own.”
This principle embraces patience, forgiving quickly, serving others gladly, noticing other’s needs before your own, and seeking to understand before you try to be understood. These are simple, yet profound “guarantees” for happiness.

The best way to be others-centered is to treat people the way you’d want them to treat you. Think deeply about the people in your life’s circle, one by one. Think about what it would be like to be those people, with their life experiences, their needs and desires. For example, at the end of a long, frustrating day – as you’re walking in the door of your home and all you can think about is food and relaxation, what if one of your loved ones is upset? Can you immediately put aside all thoughts of self and focus only on that person’s concerns? Can you be sincerely compassionate, rather than annoyed at the inconvenience?

God’s Little Devotional Book for Leaders (1997), tells of a young man who made great personal sacrifices as he kindly reached out to help strangers.

When Chris Gross of Santa Clara, California, heard about the 137 children who lost at least one parent in the bombing of a federal building in Oklahoma City, he thought, “Where would I be if my folks weren’t around when I was growing up?” With that motivation, he set up a college fund for those children. His first step was to call the CEO of his company and explain his intentions, and that he would be donating his annual salary as an investment analyst – all $53,874 of it – to the fund. He then challenged his company and eighteen others to match his gift, so that the fund might reach one million dollars. “It’s not easy living without a paycheck,” Gross admitted, but the 26 year-old had no debts and lived frugally with four roommates.

Word of Gross’ sacrificial gift quickly spread through the central coast region of California, and many residents responded with personal gifts. Several benefit shows, concerts and seminars were held, including benefits by the San Francisco Opera and the San Francisco Giants. Can one man make a difference? In four months the fund Gross established grew to $525,000!

Pam, age 59, hurdled her shyness ’barrier’ by focusing on others. She explained:

I overcame extreme shyness and feelings of inferiority that made it almost impossible for me to do anything in front of people such as teach, speak, etc. One of the major things I tried to do was focus on others, their feelings and needs rather than my discomfort. The more I was able to do this, the more I recognized that no one else really paid attention to how I looked or sounded, they were more concerned with themselves.

I didn’t feel qualified to serve as some others did in large, spectacular ways, but I knew I could do small acts of service and do them consistently. Whenever I felt inferior, I reminded myself that even insignificant acts add up and contribute to the whole.

EVALUATE YOUR LEVEL OF OTHER-CENTEREDNESS

To evaluate your level of other-centeredness, take a quick three-question quiz and answer in your mind “true or false.”

• When someone gives a compliment to another person, it makes me think I’m not as good. (Rejoice with the person; it’s no reflection on you).
• I worry that everyone will notice my weight/wrinkles/baldness. (Don’t focus on yourself – no one else does!).
• I’m so embarrassed because I’m not a very good computer technician /secretary/ teacher. (Your focus shouldn’t be on your embarrassment, but rather on how you can improve your skills and thus contribute more).

BE FLEXIBLE AND CHEERFUL

Choosing to be flexible is choosing to focus on the positive. People who adapt well and who are cheerful, no matter what’s happening around them, are appreciated and well-loved. There are many times in our lives when we simply aren’t in control of the situation. Our ability to adapt well is an indicator of our strength of character. A saying I learned when I was young is, “Be pretty if you are, be wise if you can, but be cheerful if it kills you!”

Change is an inevitable part of life. We have choices relative to the change going on in our lives – we can be flexible and bend graciously, or we can fight it and be unhappy. Again, these are choices. In retrospect, we usually see even the most jolting of life changes as “catalysts” for growth.

What we are talking about here, over and over, really, is simply our attitudes.

Roberto De Vicenzo, upon completing a golf tournament, was approached by a woman who stated her daughter had leukemia and pled for money to pay medical bills – money he produced. Later, a friend told De Vivenzo the woman’s daughter wasn’t ill – she had lied to him. In response, Roberto replied, “The child is well? My friend, that’s the best news I ever heard!”

General Dwight D. Eisenhower paid a visit to front-line troops during WWII and braved rain and ankle-deep mud to address the men from a makeshift platform. After finishing, as he turned to go, Eisenhower slipped from the platform and sprawled in the mud, sparking the soldiers to roar with laughter. The commanding major general accompanying Eisenhower helped him to his feet, apologizing profusely for his men’s behavior. “It’s all right,” the President responded. “That fall probably helped their morale much more than my speech!” (Remen, Heart of Goodness, 2000).
Being cheerful and others-centered will bless your life and all whose lives touch yours.

~Dr. Paula

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