Change Your Thoughts & Change Your Life

 

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: When your thoughts are positive and upbeat, you’re happier, more productive, and your every relationship is sweeter.

Since decades of research has proven that statement, why wouldn’t all pessimistic people quickly change their ways? Because it isn’t easy and the solutions require knowledge and effort.
Altering your thoughts requires first and foremost that you become aware of your thoughts (mindful awareness) and that you’re willing to work on improving them (thought work).

Diane is a classic example of a pessimist who was oblivious to her negative thought patterns, but wanted to be a happier person. This was a typical explanation of failure: “I’m such a loser! It happened again – the one guy who seemed interested in me at the party left with another girl. I’m 28 years old and can’t get a single date. I’ll never get married!”

Diane’s explanation of what happened at the party showed the three markers of pessimism: She described the problem as being personal (“These things always happen to me”), permanent, and pervasive (“I’m such a loser – my whole life is a failure”).

On the other hand, when good things happen to Diane she describes it as a fluke. “The cute guy from work asked me out,” she reported. “He must have been temporarily out of his mind! Oh well, he’ll lose interest as soon as he gets to know me.”

Diane’s mind changes everything negative into validation for her belief she’s a loser, and deflects every happy event as meaningless coincidence.

As a result, Diane’s moods are usually sour and her outlook on life is bleak. She’s very unhappy and frequently sick. (Research has proven that mental and physical well-being go hand-in-hand). But getting Diane to change her thought patterns was like teaching a tone deaf person to sing on key. It was extremely difficult, and there are good reasons why.

Despite its downside, some people see practical reasons for pessimistic explanations. They minimize positive aspects of their situation to limit their expectations and help them feel less pressured. Then, they’re less likely to feel let down if things go wrong. This defensive pessimism serves as inoculation against disappointment.

What Diane discovered immediately upon beginning her “thought work” was that turning a pessimist into an optimist doesn’t happen overnight. Habitual thought patterns are like ruts in a dirt road. The mind slips into them over and over, and at first, steering down another route is extremely difficult. Neuro-physiologists who study the brain can chart actual physical pathways along which familiar ideas and impulses travel. Stopping habitual thoughts as they flash along these pathways, turning your mental energy to a new way of thinking, requires an effort that is not merely impressive, but truly heroic.

It requires mindful awareness: the ability to identify and label a destructive thought, to replace it, and to focus forward (away from negativity).

When Diane began using this technique she explained, “I was shocked to discover how many of my thoughts were negative. I had no idea how often I gave in to pessimistic patterns of thinking pulled me down. Becoming aware of it and working to release myself from the grip of negativity was empowering – even liberating!”

Although during her thought work Diane was focused and committed, she also experienced bouts of discouragement. Her “negativity ruts” were deep and hardened. Forming new thought patterns required constant effort
However, after six months of mindful awareness and “thought work,” Diane’s family reports, “There is a huge difference in our home atmosphere. We laugh more – we have fun now!”

And, an additional by-product of Diane’s efforts is better health. Yes, Diane is now in the best shape of her life, but that’s not all. She spends her spare time these days with her fiance -planning their coming wedding.
~Dr. Paula

 Believe In Yourself                                                                      Cheerfulness is an Attitude